You are probably thinking, how is my child starting secondary school already?! It feels like no time since they first put on that new school uniform and walked through the school gates for the first time. Now it’s time for them to move on to the next part of their educational journey. As I write this blog post, there are only a few more weeks left of school until the summer break. I don’t know about you but this year is absolutely flying in!
This also means that your Primary 7 child is getting ready to make that big move from primary school to secondary school. So I thought it would be a good idea to write a blog post on how to combat those anxious or nervous feelings your child may be having about transitioning into secondary school. And I’ve also included some tips for you parents because I bet you are feeling a lot of emotions at this time!
If you would like some tips on how to prepare your child for secondary school over the summer, I have included nine things that you can do with your child over the summer in my new book, ‘A Complete Guide on How to Prepare and Empower your Child for the Transfer Test.’ I know your child’s transfer test days are long behind them, but don’t let the title of this book fool you. There is a complete chapter on how to prepare your child for Year 8 and also a timetable template which you can use to help plan the mountain of homework and new subjects that come with Year 8! Get your copy now and get your child’s Year 8 preparation started this summer! Click here!
Tips for a worry-free transition to secondary school for kids
This time of year can be pretty exciting for your child. Their school probably has lots of fun things going on, sports day, residential trips, summer fairs and much more! And while your child will be having lots of fun and making memories, there may also be sadness in the air. Your child is getting ready to leave the comfort of their primary school, leaving some of their friends who they’ve been with since nursery school and getting ready to make a big move to a new school. Of course, they are going to be feeling anxious and sad. They’re only human after all! But if these feelings of anxiety and worry start to impact your child’s day-to-day life, then it’s time to try a few tips and tricks to help tackle these feelings!
Before we get started, I need to clarify that I am a qualified primary school teacher and not a counsellor or therapist. If you have an extremely anxious child starting secondary school, please seek help from a qualified professional. These are just some tips and transition to secondary school activities that I have found have helped the parents I’ve worked with over the years. You can use this as a starting high school checklist.
Talk about the good, the bad and the…
My first tip for reducing worries about starting secondary school is to talk. Talk about ‘the good, the bad and the ugly’ about starting secondary school with your child. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies and neither is secondary school! Being open and honest with your child during this transition is a good way to prepare them for what’s to come. Now of course I want you to focus more on the positive things about starting secondary school. But adding a few home truths as well lets your child know that you are being honest and real with them. Here is a list of some things that you can talk about with your child.
New subjects and extracurricular activities
Of course, there are more positive things about starting secondary school than negative so let’s start with those! Secondary school offers lots of new subjects and extra-curricular activities that your child will study and take part in. Your child may find a new subject or activity that they become really great or passionate about. For some, this can be studying languages, creating high-tech gadgets in Technology and Design, playing tennis, hockey or rugby or becoming the next Gordon Ramsey in Home Economics! These new subjects and extra-curricular activities will allow your child to grow, explore and find out what things they like to do best.
Homework gets a lot more…well everything!
Along with these new subjects comes a lot more homework. Secondary school homework will become more challenging and in larger amounts. This is probably the thing about secondary school that your child may dislike the most! Each subject your child studies has its own batch of homework that’s due on different dates and times. This can be quite overwhelming for new Year 8 students as up until this point, they have probably only had some English, Maths, spelling and reading homework. Maybe it’s the odd project here and there. But this changes once they start Year 8.
My advice for this is to encourage your child to be organised from the beginning to avoid this overwhelm. You can use homework and study timetable templates to plan out your child’s week. You can note down what subjects have homework and when it’s due. In the beginning, you may need to help your child with this and remind them about different due dates but as the months go on, your child should develop an independence around this.
Take control of homework overwhelm
To combat these feelings of overwhelm with this new level of homework, I recommend adding some positivity to homework time. I remember when I started Year 8, always did some homework on a Saturday morning in my room. My dad used to bring me breakfast up to my room every Saturday and I loved it! Because I was never allowed to eat in my room! Without even realising it, my dad was transforming my negative feelings about weekend homework into positive ones! So think of some things that your child likes or enjoys and implement them into homework time to help get them motivated. This can be small things like their favourite snack or drink. It doesn’t and shouldn’t be a massive treat like a new PlayStation game every time they complete a piece of homework!
‘You’ve got a friend in me…’
Just by writing this title, I’ve got Randy Newman’s song stuck in my head! Friends are a massive part of your child’s life at this age and stage of their schooling. And guess what parents they’re only going to become more important in their lives as they become teenagers! Your child may be starting secondary school with their childhood friends just like Woody, Bo Peep, Rex and Hamm or they could be like Buzz Lightyear, the new kid at the school who wants to join an existing friend group. (I couldn’t resist a ‘Toy Story’ reference here!) Your child may be feeling anxious about having to make new friends and this can have a huge impact on their confidence starting secondary school. Here are some tips to help them get through the friendship nervousness.
New Friendships
Whether your child is starting Year 8 with some friends from Primary School or if they are branching out on their own, talk about all of the different people they are going to meet in their new school. They will have friends in their form class, in their subject classes and also in their extra-curricular activities. They will have friends in Year 8 and some older students as well.
It’s important to remind your child that it is ok if they don’t meet their best friend for life on their first day of school! They have plenty of time and they don’t need to put pressure on themselves. Of course, no one wants their child sitting by themselves at lunch. And I’m not saying they should not interact with anyone and wait until a friend comes to them. I just mean they should go with the flow. Just be themselves, be friendly and smile to their peers.
Friendship Stress
Every student applies to different schools. This means your child and their primary school best friend may be going different paths. Of course, this is going to be challenging for your child. Their friends are so important to them. But the best thing to do in this case is to reassure them that they can still see their friends at the weekends or during school holidays. Your child will make new friends and so will their primary school friends. And that’s ok! Everyone changes and finds new friends so just let your child know that this could happen.
Travelling to a new school
Having to travel to their new secondary school can be a big cause of nervous and anxious feelings in Year 8 students. If your child is heading off to a secondary school a bit further afield chances are they will need to get the train or bus. At first, this can be terrifying because your child probably hasn’t travelled anywhere on their own before! But as time goes on they will become more comfortable with it and it won’t even phase them.
My tip for combating feelings of worry about transport is to take your child on the bus/train route during the summer holidays. You can show them where to get on the bus, have them pay for their ticket themselves and show them the best stop for them to get off which leaves them closest to their school. Some schools have designated buses that are just for that particular school. If that’s the case with your child’s new school, still take them on a bus journey so they can get used to their surroundings.
Let’s talk about safety
Another conversation that I feel is necessary to have at this time is about safety. Your child is probably sick of hearing about ‘stranger danger’ but it is even more important at this stage. Your child will be more independent throughout secondary school, travelling on buses/trains and staying behind later for extracurricular activities. In Year 8 your child will also be required to use more technology for homework and coursework. They may be using Google Classroom, YouTube to watch topic videos and they will probably have their own phone by now! Therefore, as well as talking about safety for travelling to and from school, it is important to have a chat about online safety as well.
Remind your child to open any files or emails sent to them from unknown sources, don’t accept friend requests from people they don’t know and don’t give away any information about themselves online. Safety is super important at all times but it is worth having an extra chat during the summer months before they enter Year 8.
Books, poems and quotes
As well as having chats with your child about starting secondary school, sometimes they just need to think about and figure things out by themselves. Some subtle ways you can help them do this is to provide them with some books about starting secondary school, poems about starting secondary school and starting secondary school quotes for students. (Let’s be honest you can’t beat a good quote) Books, poems and quotes are things that your child can read themselves. They won’t accuse you of ‘nagging’ them. Well unless you have to nag them to read the book! Here are some of the books and poems I have found online.
No Worries: Your Guide to Starting Secondary School
You Are Awesome: Find Your Confidence and Dare to be Brilliant at (Almost) Anything
Go Big: The Secondary School Survival Guide
My First Day of High School Poem
New Beginnings – Poem by Tony Walsh
How to reduce anxious feelings about your child’s transition to secondary school for parents
Now that we’ve talked about how to reduce feelings of worry or anxious feelings in your child about moving to secondary school, it’s time to talk about YOU! Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about you parents and guardians. Because I bet your feelings of anxiety and worry are worse than your child’s about them going to big school! Here are some things that you can do to help with the emotions that your child’s transition brings.
Bring the joy!
Even though you know that your child needs to transition into secondary school, you can still feel sad and emotional about it. You may not feel like your child is mature or ready for this big move. Your job as their parent/guardian is to make them ready! By following my tips from above you can help empower your child for this next step in their schooling. Accepting that your child is growing up can be hard but just remember to be happy that your child is healthy and well to move onto the next stage of their educational journey.
Make memories!
To help with this transition in your child’s life, it is essential to create lovely memories and appreciate your moments together. I’m not saying that from the first week of Year 8, your child is going to abandon you to hang out with their friends. But…it could be on the way! So appreciate the moments and time you have together before your child becomes ‘too cool for school!’ Make this summer fun! Create a bucket list of summer activities you want to complete together. These activities don’t have to be anything crazy but you could put down movie nights, bake cupcakes, or have a picnic in the park. Some lovely activities where you can have fun and make memories together. You can get a free summer bucket list template here!
Nothing is permanent…
A concern that some parents have come to me with over the years is that their child is not happy in Year 8. It is completely normal for your child to struggle with the transition into a new school. But if it gets to the end of Year 8 and your child isn’t settling into school, then maybe that school is not right for them. I’m not saying don’t ask your child how school is until the end of Year 8. It does take time for students to settle.
There are a lot of new things happening with school. Without turning this into a biology lesson their hormones will be changing too! Keep talking to your child, asking how they are finding school, talking about their friends, subjects etc. Remember if your child isn’t happy in their school choice, you can move them. Just be mindful that you don’t want to move them just because they don’t like the amount of homework they have. You want them to try their best but in the worst-case scenario, you can apply to switch schools.
Overall, don’t feel too stressed, anxious or trying to fix every problem that your child brings home from school. Your child does need to figure some things out on their own. This is what helps them to learn, grow and mature. Just make sure they know that you are there for them if they need some advice. Keep an open line of communication by talking about their day and give them a big hug at the end of their school day.
More information about starting secondary school
5 fun, memorable activities for your Primary 7 leavers
Preparing your child – and yourself – for secondary school
Top Ten Tips for Starting Secondary School
Tips to support your child as they start secondary school
I wish your child good luck for starting their new secondary school 2024! This is such a fun and exciting time for them. If you would like some extra tips for starting Year 8, check out my blog post, ‘7 tips for making your child’s transition easy and calm,’ here! And if your child is feeling nervous and anxious be there to talk and support them through this transition. If they continue to struggle and you are really not sure what to do, please seek help from a professional. Good luck to your child for starting secondary school!
